Pepe sat in silence, performing his daily meditation. GOD, he was so FUCKING handsome.
The phone rang, interrupting his thoughts. He quickly answered.
"Hello, is this the National Kiss Starvation Prevention Lifeline?" said the caller, obviously a woman.
"Why the FUCK did you just ask me that, little BITCH!?" growled Pepe. "Didn't you READ the FUCKING leaflet? Learn ENGLISH, FUCKING WENCH."
"W-what?! I thought you were here to help! M-my name's Soy-tan, and my husband, Nate has never kissed me, even though we've been married for–"
"Shut the FUCK UP. BOOM."
"Please, I need help! I don't think I'll last much longer–"
"SILENCE, SOYCUCK," commanded Pepe. "Cease thy filthy canid blathering, and return to thy kennel, with nary a remonstration, or face the fullness of your master's GODLIKE WRATH."
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